Back at MacGyver's house we find him cooking breakfast for Susan, of which he has this to say, "the best way to start the day is to think about the people you like best, like Susan, my landlady, repair person, and the only human being who has figured out how to keep me organised".
This raises several issues.
Firstly, why would MacGyver rent? I thought he would have been more than adequately compensated by the Government for his often dangerous work, allowing his to purchase a property. Perhaps international espionage doesn't pay that well. The more likely explanation for this is that MacGyver spends most of his income on cocaine. I always though he had his drug use under control but it appears I was wrong. It doesn't take fucking Sherlock Holmes to figure out that cooking his landlord breakfast means he doesn't have the rent money this month. She isn't that hot and definitely doesn't have a boyfriend so MacGyver would've had to have boned her, or at the very least finger blazed her, in order to buy a little more time to get the rent together.
Secondly, why the fuck does MacGyver need a repair person? This is a guy who stopped a nuclear meltdown with a fucking snickers. I doubt there is any household problem MacGyver wouldn't be able to overcome.
Finally, apparently she is the only person who is able to keep him organised? He seems to be organised to me. For someone with a drug problem he seems to be really fucking organised. I guess behind the scenes of every MacGyver mission is Susan, making sure that his toothbrush is packed and he has his passport. Susan is the one keeping shit together it seems.
We find out that MacGyver's house is located on Venice Beach, California. Maybe Cobra is his next door neighbour. That would be pretty rad, as they could team up in a future episode and beat the shit out of some dudes. According to a source close to me, the Internet, Robert Downey Jr. lived on Venice Beach around the same time as MacGyver. It is little more than a coincidence that MacGyver and Robert Downey Jr. both lived on Venice Beach and both were heavily into cocaine. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it was MacGyver who introduced Robert Downey Jr. to drugs in the first place. He may be an international crime fighter but he still has a lot to answer for.
Secondly, why the fuck does MacGyver need a repair person? This is a guy who stopped a nuclear meltdown with a fucking snickers. I doubt there is any household problem MacGyver wouldn't be able to overcome.
Finally, apparently she is the only person who is able to keep him organised? He seems to be organised to me. For someone with a drug problem he seems to be really fucking organised. I guess behind the scenes of every MacGyver mission is Susan, making sure that his toothbrush is packed and he has his passport. Susan is the one keeping shit together it seems.
We find out that MacGyver's house is located on Venice Beach, California. Maybe Cobra is his next door neighbour. That would be pretty rad, as they could team up in a future episode and beat the shit out of some dudes. According to a source close to me, the Internet, Robert Downey Jr. lived on Venice Beach around the same time as MacGyver. It is little more than a coincidence that MacGyver and Robert Downey Jr. both lived on Venice Beach and both were heavily into cocaine. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it was MacGyver who introduced Robert Downey Jr. to drugs in the first place. He may be an international crime fighter but he still has a lot to answer for.
In order to buy some extra time to come up with the rent money, MacGyver decides to cook Roberta a 21st Century Breakfast with raises another question, what is a 21st century breakfast? The answer to this one is simple, a 21st century breakfast is just a regular fucking breakfast cooked by a home made robot.
It seems MacGyver has been at a bit of a loose end recently and as such has had enough time to build a fully functioning robot, shittly named Roberta.
Roberta still has a few bugs to iron out and ends up dropping an egg on Susan's foot. MacGyver received a call from Pete at that exact moment getting him out of having to clean up the broken egg, but as a woman, Susan would have done it anyway.
Pete reveals that some clown calling himself Viking is trying to blow up a Cruise Ship and they need MacGyver's help. MacGyver has to get to Pete's house as fast as possible for a briefing. To sweeten the deal, Pete reveals he also has a pleasant surprise for MacGyver.
MacGyver gets out of there at a rapid pace, leaving Susan to hang out with Roberta and do the washing up. I'm sure the serious deep dicking Susan would have received and the idea of breakfast, even if she didn't get to eat it in the end, would have been enough to buy MacGyver a little more time to come up with the rent.
Outside of the building the meeting is to take place, MacGyver runs into Charlie Robinson, Pete's surprise. Initially I though it may have been an old boyfriend but Charlie and MacGyver actually fought together in Vietnam, in fact the duo were the best bomb defusing team Vietnam had ever seen.
Knowing that MacGyver is an accredited bomb expert just makes him even more badass. MacGyver has always had an understanding of bombs, but I thought this was just an interest rather than a formal qualification. All bomb experts are awesome, with the exception of Ray Quick, Stallone's character in The Specialist . Two Stallone references in one post. I'm not stopping there either.
Once inside, Pete brings the reunited bomb defusing duo up to speed. Viking is demanding $6 Million. Once he receives the money the bomb will be turned off. The first bomb that killed the captain was just a warning bomb. Viking promises the next one will be much more deadly. Once they arrive, they'll have three hours to defuse the bomb. The plan is to fly Charlie and MacGyver to the boat so that they can defuse the bomb. It's not a easy job, but these guys are the best around.
MacGyver and Charlie are introduced to Donahue, the man in charge of the bomb defusing unit in Vietnam, who was called home just before the duo arrived. This is the first time they've met, but MacGyver and Charlie were already familiar with his work.
I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say that Donahue in Viking. Previous episodes have indicated that when a good character is introduced for no apparent reason with minimal potential impact on the story, by the episodes conclusion, they end up being the bad guy. The writers certainly love a twist, usually of M. Night Shyamalan proportions, like in Unbreakable where the twist was that the film was a piece of shit. I'm predicting the twist is that Donahue is the bad guy. Only time will tell.
While on their way to the boat, Charlie retells a great story about the two of them back during their stint in Vietnam. Charlie sold some of their bomb defusing equipment so they had enough money for a night out in Saigon, where according to Charlie, MacGyver had one of his most memorable evenings in the French Quarter.
Charlie is reckless as fuck, no doubt about that. One would suggest that they'd need that bomb defusing equipment to say, defuse bombs but Charlie couldn't give two shits.
Knowing the kind of shit MacGyver gets up to these days, "his most memorable evening" in Saigon would have been nothing short of a 24 hour drug binge with him and Charlie double teaming barely legal Vietnamese teens. He probably bet on some kind of Russian Roulette game like in The Deer Hunter and possibly even killed someone just for fun. Probably with a bomb. MacGyver always loved irony.
A fuck up on the helicopter sees their bomb defusing equipment dropped overboard. Without the equipment the job is going to be that much harder, but Charlie probably would have tried to trade it with some slut for a blow job once on board anyway. He's a fucking animal.
MacGyver rappels down onto the boat using a fishing net, just because he can, where he is introduced to the recently appointed female Captain of the vessel, who I predict MacGyver will bang later. A female Captain is so unrealistic that a love interest is the only possible explanation.
It seems MacGyver has been at a bit of a loose end recently and as such has had enough time to build a fully functioning robot, shittly named Roberta.
Roberta still has a few bugs to iron out and ends up dropping an egg on Susan's foot. MacGyver received a call from Pete at that exact moment getting him out of having to clean up the broken egg, but as a woman, Susan would have done it anyway.
Pete reveals that some clown calling himself Viking is trying to blow up a Cruise Ship and they need MacGyver's help. MacGyver has to get to Pete's house as fast as possible for a briefing. To sweeten the deal, Pete reveals he also has a pleasant surprise for MacGyver.
MacGyver gets out of there at a rapid pace, leaving Susan to hang out with Roberta and do the washing up. I'm sure the serious deep dicking Susan would have received and the idea of breakfast, even if she didn't get to eat it in the end, would have been enough to buy MacGyver a little more time to come up with the rent.
Outside of the building the meeting is to take place, MacGyver runs into Charlie Robinson, Pete's surprise. Initially I though it may have been an old boyfriend but Charlie and MacGyver actually fought together in Vietnam, in fact the duo were the best bomb defusing team Vietnam had ever seen.
Knowing that MacGyver is an accredited bomb expert just makes him even more badass. MacGyver has always had an understanding of bombs, but I thought this was just an interest rather than a formal qualification. All bomb experts are awesome, with the exception of Ray Quick, Stallone's character in The Specialist . Two Stallone references in one post. I'm not stopping there either.
Once inside, Pete brings the reunited bomb defusing duo up to speed. Viking is demanding $6 Million. Once he receives the money the bomb will be turned off. The first bomb that killed the captain was just a warning bomb. Viking promises the next one will be much more deadly. Once they arrive, they'll have three hours to defuse the bomb. The plan is to fly Charlie and MacGyver to the boat so that they can defuse the bomb. It's not a easy job, but these guys are the best around.
MacGyver and Charlie are introduced to Donahue, the man in charge of the bomb defusing unit in Vietnam, who was called home just before the duo arrived. This is the first time they've met, but MacGyver and Charlie were already familiar with his work.
I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say that Donahue in Viking. Previous episodes have indicated that when a good character is introduced for no apparent reason with minimal potential impact on the story, by the episodes conclusion, they end up being the bad guy. The writers certainly love a twist, usually of M. Night Shyamalan proportions, like in Unbreakable where the twist was that the film was a piece of shit. I'm predicting the twist is that Donahue is the bad guy. Only time will tell.
While on their way to the boat, Charlie retells a great story about the two of them back during their stint in Vietnam. Charlie sold some of their bomb defusing equipment so they had enough money for a night out in Saigon, where according to Charlie, MacGyver had one of his most memorable evenings in the French Quarter.
Charlie is reckless as fuck, no doubt about that. One would suggest that they'd need that bomb defusing equipment to say, defuse bombs but Charlie couldn't give two shits.
Knowing the kind of shit MacGyver gets up to these days, "his most memorable evening" in Saigon would have been nothing short of a 24 hour drug binge with him and Charlie double teaming barely legal Vietnamese teens. He probably bet on some kind of Russian Roulette game like in The Deer Hunter and possibly even killed someone just for fun. Probably with a bomb. MacGyver always loved irony.
A fuck up on the helicopter sees their bomb defusing equipment dropped overboard. Without the equipment the job is going to be that much harder, but Charlie probably would have tried to trade it with some slut for a blow job once on board anyway. He's a fucking animal.
MacGyver rappels down onto the boat using a fishing net, just because he can, where he is introduced to the recently appointed female Captain of the vessel, who I predict MacGyver will bang later. A female Captain is so unrealistic that a love interest is the only possible explanation.
The Captain shows MacGyver and Charlie the bomb, which can only be explained as fucking insane. Viking doesn't fuck around. It is trigger city. Any false move and that thing will explode. I think it's rigged in such a way that if you look at it with disdain it can detect this and will blow up. It may even explode if it doesn't like your shirt.
Just at this moment a staff member runs in informing the captain that a second bomb has been found at the other end of the ship, an exact replica of the one they are looking at.
Both bombs need defusing, but luckily the dynamic duo is in town, so manpower isn't an issue on this one.
The first trigger is powder in a dish. Charlie figures he needs get a sample of the powder so he can determine exactly what needs to be done to get around the trigger.
Hopefully for their sake the powder turns out to be cocaine dyed yellow, as MacGyver could just snort it out. Charlie tries to get a sample of the powder but breaks the vacuum seal, detonating the bomb and blowing himself up.
MacGyver is in shock. The two of them defused 51 bombs in Vietnam, a record Guinness still recognises today.
MacGyver doesn't have time to mourn. A third bomb is discovered, two of which need to be defused. Now it's just MacGyver with no tools and time is running out. MacGyver indicates that he's going to need someone to help defuse the other bomb as there isn't time for him to defuse both of them. The Captain volunteers. This is fucking brazen. A dude with years of professional bomb defusing experience, who has been credited with defusing 51 bombs in Vietnam alone, has just died trying the stop this bomb. Why the fuck would you volunteer? It's clearly dangerous, especially when you have zero experience. I'm sure the only bomb the Captain has been near is a fucking bath bomb from the Body Shop.
MacGyver agrees to let her help, which is also brazen. If she gets blown up not only will the boat sink, but she'll be dead and he wont be able to bone her. Well maybe he will, who knows what kind of shit MacGyver is into.
Viking has demanded the money be placed in a locker at a bus station, the place where 95% of money exchanges took place in the 80's. Even the exchange of money for legal activities seemed to take place in bus or train station lockers. I doubt shops even had cash registers back then, just a shitload of lockers. You'd place your cash in a locker, get out a key, go to another locker and get out your Sega Master System II with build in Alex Kidd In Miracle World, then go home.
MacGyver gets an old neon sign and jams a tube through the seal and into the inside of the bomb. He then uses the neon tube to create a vacuum and suck out the powder. I have no idea if the science holds up on this one but after seeing MacGyver flee East Germany on a Jetski contained inside a coffin all realism is out the window.
The Captain follows what MacGyver has done successfully, overcoming the first trigger. It turns out the powder was Phosphorus. This will probably be important later.
The Captain follows what MacGyver has done successfully, overcoming the first trigger. It turns out the powder was Phosphorus. This will probably be important later.
Back at the bus station, Viking has outsmarted everyone and made off with the money. Although the bus station was heavily guarded, Viking was able to get the money by cutting into the back of the locker from the storage room next door. Now with the cash in hand, he calls Pete and informs him he won't be stopping the bomb. If you can't trust an international terrorist, who can you trust?
It is now paramount that MacGyver defuses those bombs. The second trigger is a heap of tubes filled with liquid and a circuit board. MacGyver asks for milk, a pastry tube and oven cleaner. What?!?!?!
He clearly has a plan but nobody has any idea what the fuck it is. The liquid inside the tubes is acid, just as MacGyver had suspected. MacGyver squirts the oven cleaner and milk concoction into the acid filled tubes, which neutralises the acid.
At this point in time, MacGyver informs Pete that he believes Viking is one of the bomb guys from Vietnam as he remembers reading about an acid bomb in a report while he was back in the war. He asks Pete to run a check. If Viking isn't Donahue, I'll fly to Vietnam tomorrow and dedicate the rest of my life to defusing land mines.
With the second trigger eliminated, the bomb has been successfully defused. They can all rest easy now. Or can they?
Pete gets the results back from the computer. Donahue is Viking! Fuck me. What a twist.
At this point in time the bomb starts up again. It hasn't been defused at all. They only have a minute to figure our how to stop it.
MacGyver asks Donahue which wire to cut. He replies with blue, but knowing what a lying cock bag Donahue is, he cuts the yellow wire instead. This stops the bomb. Everyone can actually rest easy now, except for Donahue who is royally fucked. We all know the shit that goes down at Guantanamo Bay, and they gave less of a shit about human rights back then, so Donahue can expect his balls to be slowly squeezed in a vice for the foreseeable future.
The chopper has been scheduled to pick MacGyver up in an hour. The captain asks MacGyver to stay and he agrees. She is obviously gagging for cock and with MacGyver by her side she'll be getting it from all angles. If MacGyver is able to get some drugs on board the boat she won't be getting much sleep tonight, if any.
We learned that it is possible to defuse a high tech bomb with no prior experience, that you really can't trust anyone and that it doesn't matter if an old war buddy gets blown up if you have a chick to bang.
2 comments:
LOL, I had this same idea of "WTF, where did your grief of losing your buddy go?!" at the last scene. I guess corny romance was mandatory back then…
Best blog ever.
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