#103: Thief of Budapest (13 October 1985)

The episode begins with some of the most ridiculous facial hair seen on television.

We soon discover that MacGyver is on a mission to recover a stolen horse, but not just any horse, the most expensive horse on the planet. After punching a guy in the face and stealing his turban in order to blend in, showing that he is truly deserving of his master of disguise status, MacGyver tracks down the horse and flees the scene.

After a brief but brutal, actually it was pretty weak, dual with the crazy facial hair guy, MacGyver narrowly avoids capture and rides off with a group of crazed men in hot pursuit. With superior horse riding skills they start to gain on MacGyver, however the men failed to factor in a helicopter swooping down and picking up the horse with a hook attached to a rope. With insufficient technology to combat this move they were fucked. It proved yet again that a helicopter is better than a horse. I'm not sure what happened after this but I'm pretty sure the helicopter flew all the way back to America. 

What we learned from this mission is that MacGyver doesn't give a fuck what he does as long as he's getting paid. He'll stop a deadly sulphuric acid leak or retrieve a dangerous toxin if needed but he'll also quite happily go and recover some rich dudes horse as long as the price is right. He's a humanitarian sure, but he's also a business man.

ROLL CREDITS

MacGyver is sent to Budapest, which looks remarkably similar to suburban USA, to rendezvous with a secret agent and recover some sensitive information. Well that was allegedly his MO, but from what I could ascertain, all he was doing was fucking around at a street fair and eating ice cream.

MacGyver gets pick-pocketed by a young Gypsy girl, Jana, probably because he was eating that fucking ice cream and not properly paying attention. Being as astute as he is, MacGyver instantly noticed that his Swiss Army knife was missing. He calls her out, she gives it back and then she does it again, this time getting away with it.  

Pick-pocketed by a young girl twice in a minute, you're really slipping.

MacGyver finds his contact sans Swiss Army knife and organises a place to meet for the exchange as their present location is too open. Here is how the conversation went:

MacGyver: Yo, Grods.

Grodsky: MacGyver, I didn't expect you my old friend.

MacGyver: It came as a surprise to me too, a pleasant one might I add. How you doing?

Grodsky: With you as my contact, perfect.

It is no surprise that they wanted to do the "exchange" somewhere more private. I'm pretty sure they used to be romantically involved and the exchange involved dick. We know that MacGyver loves the bitches but after this exchange it is clear that he is bi-sexual, or at least has been at some time in the past.

Moments later, Grodsky is pick-pocketed by that same fucking Gypsy girl. This time she steals a watch containing the top secret information that was to be passed to MacGyver.

Sitting in a van across the street is a Hungarian guy and a Russian guy who are desperate to get hold of the watch. Upon identifying Grodsky they leap out of the van knowing that this is the time to get the watch. Rather than playing it all stealth, the Russian yells out "Grodsky", which I don't think was the wisest move, taking out the element of surprise. Grodsky realises he is in trouble and starts to run, only to be hit by a car and killed instantly.  

MacGyver's reaction to Grodsky's death was almost one of relief. Sure they were old friends, possibly even lovers, but MacGyver had agreed to meet up with Grodsky later for an "exchange" which although he thought was a good idea at the time, now realised was something he wasn't really in to. Sure the two had shared something before, something special, but that was in the past and MacGyver was a different man now. Grodsky dying was probably better than MacGyver having to let him down, for the both of them.

The Russian realised that Jana had stolen the watch. He wants the girl and MacGyver and fast.

MacGyver finds Jana hiding in a rubbish bin, or possibly living in there, it wasn't really explained, but by this time she'd already given the watch to her brother who had just coincidentally been arrested by the cops.

MacGyver and Jana decide to put their differences aside and work together in order to achieve the common goal of getting her brother back. They track the brother and other prisoners to forced labour camp, reminiscent of the 1940's.

MacGyver realises that he's going to have to break them out, so uses the oldest diversion in the book, the "light-bulb sandwich", in order to gain access to the supply truck heading into the camp. For the unaware, a light-bulb sandwich is a bunch of light-bulbs sandwiched between two planks of wood.  When a vehicle drives over it, the driver is usually so shocked they have to stop the vehicle and get out to take a look, which gives a would be intruder enough time to climb into back of the vehicle. MacGyver executed this perfectly. "It's a light-bulb sandwich, let's hope they take a bite". Hilarious.

Once inside the van MacGyver changes into the same clothes as the other prisoners showing us for the second time this episode that he able to blend into any environment effortlessly.

After creating an explosive out of shit he found in the back of the supply truck, MacGyver then puts on a guards outfit to throw off the other guards. This guy has more outfit changes than fucking Bruce Willis in The Jackal. 

At this moment MacGyver really starts causing some shit. He blows a few things up, sets an unstoppable digger off to wreak havoc and gets the other prisons to start up a fight. It's pandemonium in that prison camp. He rounds up the prisoners and they get out of there.  

MacGyver asks for the watch and Jana's brother informs him that he sold it. Back to square fucking one. The brother doesn't even offer to go and get the watch back for MacGyver, he sends MacGyver to do it himself. No fucking gratitude. If there is one consistent theme running throughout these early episodes it is that MacGyver seems to end up helping ungrateful cunts.

MacGyver heads to a local bar to track down the mysterious Reena, who has the watch, that is if she hasn't fucking given it to anyone or sold it. After watching a guy drink a flaming shot, get into a fight and setting something on fire, MacGyver is called into Reena's room by the woman herself.

MacGyver: I don't drink much.

Reena: Well, here's to your health, which would be be at considerable risk if I send you back downstairs.

MacGyver: Is there a back-way out of here?

Reena: Of course, but you have to earn it.

I think MacGyver was literally just looking for an escape root, while I'm pretty sure Reena was talking about anal sex. That's just was the vibe I was getting from her after 30 seconds of screen time.

Reena asked MacGyver why the watch was so valuable and he tells her that several people are after the information contained with it. She kisses him and confirms that he is telling the truth.

I don't actually think this is a scientifically proven way of telling if someone is lying but I'm sure this is the kind of shit Reena pulls on a daily basis.

MacGyver could have boned her right then and there, she was definitely up for a good fucking, but the Russian showed up at the bar and he had to get out of there fast. It was probably for the best, as who knows what kind of shit Reena had. Probably AIDS.

She gives MacGyver the watch and he gets out of there.  

With watch in hand, MacGyver decides it is time to head back to America. Jana obviously has a tough life in Budapest and asks MacGyver to take her to America with him. She quotes the Cyndi Lauper classic "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" in order to strengthen her argument as to why MacGyver should take her back, but he still isn't convinced.

Although I haven't done the research, I would be very surprised if there wasn't a huge spike in immigration to the USA by girls during 1983 because of this song.

MacGyver realises the Russian will be after them, and that the best thing for them to do is to get across the border. They steal what MacGyver referred to as "a sports car" but what I refer to as "a mini" and burn off as fast as they could towards the Austrian border. The Russian tracks them down, as do the cops, which leads to an unhindered thrill ride of a car chase through Hungary.

MacGyver must have stolen a prototype for the worlds fastest car as they were able to complete the approximate 100 mile journey from Budapest to the Austrian border in 10 minutes. Czechoslovakia was  much closer so I'm not sure why they went to Austria, but I'm sure MacGyver had his reasons. He is probably wanted in Czechoslovakia in relation to several matters.

The biggest let down of the car chase was that there were not any serious crashes and nobody died.

At the border, the Russian realised that he'd failed his mission and would be assassinated upon his return to Russia which led to him shouting out "MACGYVER!!!!!"

If he'd had a hat in his possession he would have most certainly thrown it to the ground.

MacGyver has a quick chat to the guy working at the Austrian border and was able to get the Gypsy family full Austrian citizenship, a decision I'm certain he does not have authority to make. MacGyver could have made the whole citizenship thing up just to get Jana off his back about him taking her to America knowing full well that he'd be out of the country later that day, so they couldn't be mad at him when the whole thing fell through.

With the watch in his possession MacGyver decides it is time to head off but not before giving Jana his pocket knife and a kiss on the lips, something that today would get him 3-5 years in prison but back then was not only accepted, but encouraged.

Recently France have been at the centre of controversy regarding treatment of Gypsies in Europe. While this group are often discriminated against, France has gone much further by wanting to expel Gypsies from the country.

This episode of MacGyver did contain quotes such as:

• “Gypsies are like mongrel dogs, it is a public service when you kill them”
• "If their hide was worth anything I’d have them gutted, skinned and used as rugs"

This was however balanced with scenes that really showed the struggles they faced on a daily basis. Hopefully the French government will watch this episode as at the end of the day it shows that Gypsies are people too. Sure they spend most of their time trying to pick-pocket everyone in fucking sight, playing shitty music and living in bins, but they have feelings and shouldn't be discriminated against.

Perhaps it isn't the Gypsies that are the problem but rather our own fears. To quote the man MacGyver himself, "some people are scared of anyone who runs free". So wise, so very wise.


THE END