Almost as soon as MacGyver gets hold of the map he is discovered by the terrorists and has to make a run for it. Using the tried and true disguise method, MacGyver steals some terrorist attire from a clothes line and runs into the desert with the terrorists in hot pursuit.
Using the thin paper map as a sled, MacGyver slides down a sand dune creating some distance between himself and his pursuers. At the bottom of the sand dune is a hot air balloon, MacGyver's escape transportation.
MacGyver is obviously much better at this type of thing than I am, but surely there is a better means of escape than a fucking hot air balloon. It certainly isn't the fastest, nor the most bullet proof. The only explanation is that there was a communication breakdown with his Middle Eastern contact. MacGyver was no doubt after a helicopter, but wires were crossed and this is what he was stuck with. I'm assuming most of the people he deals with use English as a second language so there are bound to be problems from time to time. MacGyver is a professional and for him this is nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
From the terrorists perspective, this hot air balloon fuck up really opened the door for them to stop MacGyver and get the map, that they clearly don't have a copy of, back.
Fortunately for MacGyver he was dealing with some pretty fucking inept terrorists, who after shooting the air balloon and puncturing it, decide to simply stop shooting rather than filling it with holes and bringing it down. MacGyver was able to cover the bullet hole with the map that these assholes were after, adding insult to injury, and flew away into the sunset. I think MacGyver used the map to stop the leak just to be ironic.
Fortunately for MacGyver he was dealing with some pretty fucking inept terrorists, who after shooting the air balloon and puncturing it, decide to simply stop shooting rather than filling it with holes and bringing it down. MacGyver was able to cover the bullet hole with the map that these assholes were after, adding insult to injury, and flew away into the sunset. I think MacGyver used the map to stop the leak just to be ironic.
It seems the terrorists MacGyver was dealing with were less 9/11 and more this guy. If you don't bring your A game when dealing with MacGyver you're going to get fucked up. Lesson for life.
ROLL OPENING TITLES
Macgyver is sent to an unstable country in Central America to locate journalist Kate Connelly, whose publisher fears for her safety, and bring her back to the USA.
Within seconds of entering Kate's place of work, MacGyver finds himself with a gun pointed on him by some old guy. The old guy gives MacGyver a hard time and spouts some shit about being a bad shot so although his intention may be only to wound him, he may accidentally kill him. MacGyver seemed nonchalant and could have fucking broken this old guy in half at any moment but chose not to as it probably wouldn't leave the best first impression on Kate. Plus the fact that they worked together probably meant they were friends, so it might piss her off, and MacGyver wouldn't want to listen to her bullshit complaining on the trip all the way back to the USA.
MacGyver introduced himself with a somewhat seductive "hi", indicating that a part of him wanted to bang Kate right then and there. I have no idea what he was thinking with the old guy creeping outside, it would have been more than a little weird.
Kate was developing some pictures at the time and MacGyver noticed a shot of Dave Ryerson, a guy he'd caught and had extradited from the USA a few years earlier and was undoubtedly going to run into again during the episode. After a brief chat it was revealed that Kate was chasing a big story involving a deal that was to take place between Dave Ryerson and General Antonio Vasquez, the military leader of the unspecified Central American country that borders Mexico. Kate told MacGyver that she'd return to the USA with him, but only after she had pictures of the deal going down. MacGyver agreed to these terms and the two headed off for Dave Ryerson's compound.
At this point in time, although unseen, I thought Dave Ryerson must have been somewhat of a badass. He'd been extradited from the USA and was about to do a deal with a ruthless military dictator. All of this changed when MacGyver was able to break into his compound using a fucking camera strap. This guy was as amateur as the terrorists at the start of the episode. Plus he was wearing a white suit. Who does he think he is, Michael fucking Jackson in the Smooth Criminal video?
General Vasquez on the other hand was a certified badass. Unlike the weak as piss General in episode #102, General Vasquez looked hard as nails in his full camouflage ensemble. The question is often asked how a man like General Vasquez made his money in order to become powerful enough to take over a country. While drugs are most certainly involved, at least part of the Generals revenue stream would have come from his appearance in porno's. I'm pretty sure I saw this guy in Central American Sluts 6.
While General Vasquez and Dave Ryerson are ironing out the details of their weapons deal, Kate is getting the pictures she requires to add some well needed colour to her expose, as in the past her work has been criticised for a lack of photography.
MacGyver wants to get the fuck out of there but Kate insists of getting a photo of them shaking hands and the two are inevitably caught. It is in situations like this that I really feel for MacGyver. He knows what he's doing but others refuse to listen to him and then he is the one who has to get them out of trouble.
The reception Dave gave MacGyver was surprisingly jovial. This was the man who had him kicked out of America after all. Dave undoubtedly saw this as an opportunity to get revenge.
Dave asked MacGyver for the cameras. While rounding them up, MacGyver simultaneously located some plastic explosives and sets a detonator. The blast wasn't huge but it gave MacGyver and Kate just enough time to get out of there.
General Vasquez was pissed but then he remembered he had an entire army capable of tracking down MacGyver and getting the reputation damaging film.
MacGyver and Kate return to her office only to find the old guy being carried out by members of the military, dead. Kate in understandably upset. MacGyver on the other hand didn't really seem to give a shit. The old guy was a bit of a dick. He did point a gun at MacGyver and in a way threatened to kill him. First impressions are everything to MacGyver and the old guy certainly made the wrong one.
The office is no longer safe so the two hide out in a church. I'm not sure why MacGyver chose a church as he clearly wanted to use this opportunity to "comfort" Kate and you’d have to be dirty as shit to bang in a church after just meeting someone.
In a scenario remarkably similar to the last episode, MacGyver and Kate now need to get across the border before they are captured by people who want something from them. With 100 km between them and the Mexican border, they are going to need a mode of transport and fast.
MacGyver creates a diversion on par with the "light bulb sandwich" from episode #103 in terms of weakness by taping some fire crackers to the church bell, but this gives them just enough time to steal a decommissioned school bus. MacGyver is no stranger to slow means of escape after the whole hot air balloon incident from earlier and I wouldn't be surprised if MacGyver took the bus just to give himself more of a challenge.
While General Vasquez doesn't share the same flare for fashion as his Burmese counterpart, the two definitely use the same cell phone company, who set them both up with the Nokia 0002 handset.
Upon spotting a tracking helicopter, MacGyver decides to go off road in an attempt to lose them but fuck knows how you're meant to be stealth in a fucking school bus. Not knowing where he is going, MacGyver ends up driving the bus into a river, destroying it. Kate emerged from the bus soaking wet and had to remove some of her clothing, making it apparent that this was MacGyver's plan all along.
With only 10 miles to the border, most people would have made their way on foot using the cover of darkness, but not MacGyver, he decided it was best to set up camp for the night.
MacGyver was able to use his skills to catch a lizard for dinner, something Kate was pretty unstoked on. I know Kate, why don't you eat what you caught for dinner? That's right you didn't fucking catch anything did you? MacGyver uses an old family recipe consisting of ingredients lying around the Central American wilderness to prepare the lizard which Kate found to be delicious. With so many strings to his bow already, was it any surprise that MacGyver has exceptional culinary skills? He also taught Kate not to be such a whiney bitch and to try foods you may perceive not to like as you may actually enjoy them.
The lizard also doubled as a dizzying aphrodisiac as Kate started flirting pretty heavily with MacGyver.
Kate: MacGyver, you keep me off balance.
MacGyver: I'm sorry.
Kate: No, I think I Like it. (Lying down) Wanna share?
MacGyver: That's quite and offer.
Kate: Is that a yes or a no?
MacGyver joins her on the makeshift bed and they share an intimate kiss. The scene finished here, but there is not a doubt in my mind that there was some serious deep dicking in Central America that night.
The next morning MacGyver makes the comment that Kate could stand to lose a few pounds which I thought was a little unfair, but having just fucked her, he was in a better position to judge that than me.
The two steal a jeep from some military guys and make their way to the border. When they arrive, they spot General Vasquez at the river signifying the Mexican border with about 50 men. MacGyver then realises that perhaps they should have made their way across the border during the night. The car trip was already awkward enough with the lizard influenced sex and fat comment, so the last thing MacGyver needed was to have to deal with the realisation that he'd fucked up the escape plan too.
The two drove to an abandoned house they found a few miles back to see what they could find. MacGyver filled a bunch of old barrels up with gasoline as well as putting something in the engine that would create a shit load of smoke. It wasn't the best plan I've seen but they didn't have much to work with.
Returning to the top of the hill overlooking the border, the smoke created by the car engine gave them some protection to work with.
MacGyver's plan revolved around rolling oil barrels down a hill Donkey Kong style while Kate and himself jumped inside a larger wooden barrel hoping to roll right past the 50 guys shooting at the other barrels and into the river where they could swim to Mexico and safety.
Needless to say it worked. I have absolutely no fucking idea how, but it worked. The two were now in Mexico and General Vasquez was pissed.
Two Mexican border control officers were on hand to ask if they had anything to declare and to field any questions they may have had about Mexico. Kate then fixed her broken camera "MacGyver style" and took a picture creating a wacky, read shit, ending to the episode.
MacGyver taught us that it's possible to get out of almost any situation with smoke and some old barrels, while General Vasquez undoubtedly had Dave executed because he's a ruthless motherfucker.
THE END
THE END
1 comment:
they did have sex but in the next episodes he saw her at his birthday party and she was pregnant and he thought it was his the look on his face was priceless
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