#121: A Prisoner of Conscience (30 April 1986)

Pete has taken an unannounced trip to Russia in search of Alexander Karsov, an old friend in trouble with the secret police. MacGyver, worried for the safety of his boss follows him there. Pete is extremely surprised to see MacGyver, but glad to have a friend in these trying times. It seems Karsov died 3 days ago while under police interrogation because of his contact with an American secret agent. That agent was Pete, who now feels responsible for the death of his friend. Pete fears the police will now arrest and kill Karsov's daughter Maria, so his mission is to find and protect her.

Pete tells MacGyver he doesn't want any help, to which MacGyver replies "I've travelled 10 000 miles to be here, so like it or not you've got me". The only place 10 000 miles from Moscow is Africa, so MacGyver must have flown there directly after his prison experience.

The location of Maria is conveniently just a few minutes walk from where MacGyver and Pete had rendezvoused. Pete wants to meet Maria alone. MacGyver agrees to this, but the second Pete's back is turned he starts following him and hides in the bushes outside Maria's house.

It immediately becomes clear why Pete wanted to meet Maria alone, he wants to bang her. The warm welcome she gives him indicates that will probably happen, especially as she'll need someone to comfort her after the recent death of her father. It looks like Pete has taught MacGyver everything he knows.

Just as things are about to heat up in the cabin the secret police show up, ruining everything Pete had hoped would happen in the next 8 minutes.

The police are there to arrest Maria, just as Pete had suspected. As they try to enter the house, Pete slams the door in their face sending them into the water out the front of Maria's cabin. This gives the pair time to escape. MacGyver is right behind them, he just has to jam a potato into the exhaust pipe of the police officers car first.

As expected the car wont start so the chase takes place on foot. MacGyver and co. jump into a nearby speedboat, as do the police, taking the chase to the water. We have another high octane persuit on our hands.

MacGyver needs to get them off their trail, so be ties a few cans, a blanket and a life jacket to a rope and throws it into the water. This causes the police officers boat to lose control, run aground and explode.

They've managed to avoid capture thanks to Maria's great driving and MacGyver's quick thinking. Pete did fuck all, but was probably still thinking about banging Maria.

Maria reveals that her father isn't dead, he is being secretly held in a state mental hospital. The media announce his death and if there isn't much protest from the public they will kill him. There doesn't seem to much protest meaning that apart from Maria and Pete no one really gives a fuck about Karsov, so the only option they have is to break him out of the mental hospital.

Pete and Maria are heading to Leningrad to break Karsov out. MacGyver asks "what about me, I've never been to Leningrad, I hear its a real party town". They agree to bring him along for the ride.

The plan is for MacGyver to pretend to be a mental patient, with Pete playing a doctor sent to Russia to observe him. Once inside they can find Karsov and break him out in a plot that sounds only marginally different to that of the one in the last episode. I guess the network assumes people don't watch the show every week.

MacGyver's acting work has been superb up to this point in the series, so him playing a mental patient should prove to be nothing short of spectacular. It's the role he was born to play.

MacGyver and Pete check into the hospital with minimal effort. Dr. Suvarin informs Pete that the hospital is full of people with mental issues as well as political prisoners. MacGyver is immediately into character as a convincing mental patient.

Dr. Suvarin leads MacGyver into the common room where he is introduced to  the other patients, a typical cast of characters you tend to find in pretty much all mental hospitals on TV and in film. There's the huge crazy guy who looks like he could kill you, the guy who seems normal so you don't actually know if he's nuts or not and the guy who has an unhealthy obsession about something to the point that every time he has a line, he either talks about this obsession or makes references to it while engaging in otherwise normal conversation. In this instance it's chess. There are also some other guys that weren't introduced in this scene so they won't have a speaking part but will have to act crazy during a scene later on in the episode.

MacGyver doesn't want to be caught out as sane, so starts his "I'm bat shit crazy" routine by stealing chess guys chessboard and jumping up and down on a bed. The dudes bed he's jumping up and down on doesn't seem impressed at all. This seems to do the trick and within a few seconds one of the guards has pistol whipped him. They don't take any shit in this mental hospital.

I'm not sure if it's Russian style or if the hospital just doesn't have the budget for straight jackets but the method of restraining MacGyver after his outburst was to wrap him up like a mummy. Pete was called into the room to take care of things and just laughed at what a dick MacGyver looked like. He eventually unwrapped him but waited for a good 30 minutes before doing so. Those crazy Russians and their restraining methods.

Pete has only brought one set of lock picks with him, which is a problem as MacGyver needs to break out Karsov and Pete needs to break into the drug cabinet and secure some drugs for an as of now unspecified purpose. Possibly to give to MacGyver in lieu of payment for the mission. Who knows what sort of budget issues he has to deal with.

The big issue for MacGyver is that he has no idea where Karsov is hidden in the hospital. Once Pete gets him back into the common room he sets about asking the other patients if they know where he can find Karsov. I would have assumed trying to get reliable information out of mental patients would be very difficult if not impossible but MacGyver is able to get the answer he requires after about 2 minutes from the chess guy who answers "ward zero, bishop to queen four", just in case we'd forgotten from the last scene that he was the chess obsessed guy.

MacGyver takes a light bulb from one of the lamps, smashes it, removes the Tungsten and uses it to pick the common room door lock before wittily commenting "let there be light". The mental patients didn't find it that funny. Tough crowd.

MacGyver finds ward zero easily enough after getting directions from the 'I don't know if he's crazy' guy. The entrance to the ward is guarded by one guy so MacGyver is going to have to create a diversion. 

MacGyver is the fucking king of diversions so even in a mental hospital with limited resources he'll be able to come up with something effective. He finds the janitors storage room and quickly gets to work. MacGyver coats a metal bucket with some kind of sealer and adds another chemical to create what he refers to as Russian crazy glue. He then attaches a mop handle with a white flag on one end and places this in a sink full of water. When the guard returns he sees a stick with a white flag that appears to be waiving at him. He heads into the storage room to investigate, picks up the crazy glue bucket which becomes attached to his hands and cannot be removed. He tries and tries but that fucking bucket is stuck for life. He may even need to have his hands amputated. 

MacGyver sneaks past the guard into ward zero where he finds Karsov. He enters his cell, introduces himself and the two plot their escape. The guard spots MacGyver and triggers the alarm. The huge crazy patient shows up and beats the the shit out of the guard with the bucket stuck to his hands. It wasn't really a fair fight as it's hard to defend yourself when you're stuck to a bucket but the huge crazy guy would have pummelled him anyway.

Two other guards come to investigate and the huge crazy dude beats the shit out of them also. MacGyver and Karsov are able to sneak out of the infamous ward zero to safety.

Just incase you'd forgotten we were in Russia, the director zooms past a well placed portrait of Lenin reminding the viewer exactly where this jaunt is taking place. I saw the body of Lenin when I was in Moscow and lets just say it looked like a deleted exhibit from Madame Tussauds.

The other patients are going absolutely apeshit in the common room, a scene I predicted would occur earlier, as you can't have anything set in a mental hospital without a scene involving the patients getting crazy as fuck.

Pete picks the medicine cabinet lock and grabs a heap of drugs, including a few bags of suspicious looking powder that have MacGyver's name written all over it.

The huge crazy guy is finally brought under control and Dr. Suvarin threatens to inject him with something that will render him paralysed permanently. The other patients may be mental but they quickly get the point that they shouldn't fuck around. Dr. Suvarin looks like he's on the fringes of insanity anyway, so I wouldn't fuck with him.

Dr. Suvarin leaves the common room without injecting anyone with anything. He stumbles upon a bag of drugs in the hall that Pete had recklessly dropped. For fuck sake Pete, you had one job, to get the drugs and do it with stealth. I thought you were more careful than that. You could blow the whole mission.

MacGyver sneaks back into the common room with Karsov and makes sure none of the guards will be able to discover his location by hiding him behind a curtain. It's so simple it might just work.

This completes phase one.

Phase two involves Maria posing as a local girl and getting a job in the dining room. Once she's inside, she'll drug the staffs food with the shit Pete took from the medicine cabinet. With Pete dropping some of the drugs and MacGyver receiving his mission payment in a large portion of the rest, I just hope she fucking has enough.

Pete will kick off stage three in the morning.

Dr. Suvarin confronts Pete and one of the other doctors in regards to the drugs. He believes Pete and the other doctor are working together to steal the drugs and sell them on the black market. He places them under house arrest. They will not speak to, nor see, anyone.

Dr. Suvarin also believes MacGyver is in on the drug operation and confronts him too. MacGyver pretends to be a KGB agent sent into the hospital undercover to actually stop the drug smuggling. Dr. Suvarin doesn't believe MacGyver and decides the best way to uncover the truth is though chemical interrogation. It sounds good in theory but MacGyver has built up such a tolerance that I doubt the drugs will have any effect on him anyway.

Just as Dr. Suvarin is about to administer MacGyver with his truth drug cocktail, chess guy starts going fucking crazy and, metaphor alert, knocks out Dr. Suvarin by breaking his beloved chess board over the doctors head. 

Destroying the only thing he held dear to take down the oppressive regime, all in slow motion might I add, makes this one of the most powerful scenes in the series. 

MacGyver takes out two other guards, one with a badass flying two handed spinning punch, and they make a run for it.

The 'I'm not sure if he's crazy' guy yells "Power to the people" and then looks at one of the guards and says "Remember I'm mad". It seems the power had shifted from the guards to the inmates which is always a positive thing in a mental hospital. In real life, one of the inmates would probably freak out and cut MacGyver's throat, but I don't see that happening here for some reason. 

MacGyver tracks down Pete and releases him from his captivity, which was just his office with the door locked. Pete passes the psychotropic drugs over to Maria who puts them in the staffs tea.

Meanwhile chess guy is playing a game with Dr. Suvarin who now finds himself in a straight jacket. There isn't a board but that really doesn't matter in a place like this. Some wacky music lightens the mood bringing some much need 'comic' relieve to this otherwise serious episode. 

Karsov and Maria are finally reunited in the dining room after all those days. The drugs kick in 30 seconds after ingestion making the staff relaxed and carefree. This allows MacGyver and co. to simply walk out the front door.

Everyone is free, including some people potentially dangerous to society but MacGyver and Pete don't seem too worried about that.

Pete suggests they get out of Russia. They can do some of MacGyver's patented border fleeing into Finland, but Karsov wants to stay. He is too famous to kill now and he can use this fame for good.  MacGyver states "with more people like you around, juts about anything can happen".

Maria has decided to go to America but Karsov is insisting on staying. He gives a stirring speech about how Governments can change, but the soil cannot, it is part of him and he wants to remain, even in the bad times, which he knows will change and that he isn't designed for exile. The speech is ruined by MacGyver who for some reason is wearing a ridiculous fur coat. That's all I could focus on, so Karsov's words were lost on me and probably the entire audience. 

The daughter bids her father farewell in what is truly an emotional end to an emotional episode. 


This episode taught me that it's possible to get into a mental hospital with nothing more than solid acting skills, that boats explode if they touch land and that most people in mental hospitals are loveable characters with hearts of gold. 

#120: The Escape (16 April 1986)

MacGyver is playing soccer with a group of kids and is taken down in a bad tackle. A nun looks on with great pleasure. MacGyver has no doubt been behaving like a right cunt and the nun was pleased to see him get a bit of his own back. MacGyver is doing charity work at an orphanage in some unspecified North African country. He delivered them medicine, probably stolen from the Indian community he was at last week, and decided to stay on for a while longer.

MacGyver is introduced to Sarah and the choice of music used indicates love is in the air. Well maybe not love, but he'll at the very least bang her. In turns out Sarah wants something from MacGyver, she wants him to get arrested and then break her brother out of prison, in a plot remarkably similar to that of the television show Prison Break. Last week it was Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and this week it's Prison Break. MacGyver appears to be the source material for a great many classic film and television productions. I'm going to start adapting some of the lesser known episodes for big budget Hollywood films. I'll probably start with the Afghanistan episode because it's topical and the kid was a dickhead.

Sarah's brother, Brian, was a missionary who brought medical supplies into the country. They were valuable, the corrupt government tried to steal them and Brian hid them and now he's in a maximum security military prison. The mission sounds difficult, but MacGyver agrees to take it on.

The first part of the plan involves MacGyver getting himself locked up which he does by throwing Sprite, or whatever the African equivalent of that is, probably Mountain Dew, in the faces of two police officers. It's obviously very easy to get yourself locked up in a maximum security prison in this country as MacGyver's weak as shit indiscretion lands him exactly where he wants to be.

Let the Prison Break style antics begin.

The hard ass prison warden informs MacGyver that he has no rights in this place. If he wants to survive he is going to need money as they don't provide anything, even basic food and shelter, for nothing. When MacGyver asks how he's supposed to get hold of money, the warden replies "earn it, beg it, find yourself a protector". I'd say MacGyver is going to earn his keep by repairing items that have been broken for years with shit just laying around the prison. Or sucking dick. I'm not sure which yet, but probably the former.

MacGyver makes friends with one of the prisoners, Francois, who takes him in and teaches him the ways of the prison. One of the first lessons he teaches MacGyver is not to fuck with Khan, the prisoner who runs the place. His bodyguard, Fuad, has killed 5 men with his bare hands and is just a brutal dude.

Khan comments that there are only three types of Americans that end up in a prison like this; drug dealers, soldiers of fortune or madman. He wants to know which one MacGyver is so he can decide if he should use him or get rid of him. MacGyver is actually all three, so Khan may have met his match.

MacGyver asks Francois why he's helping him, to which Francois responds that they are both foreigners, Francois is French, and need to stick together. MacGyver states that he doesn't plan on staying long, to which Francois replies that every new prisoner speaks of escape but he's yet to see it happen.

MacGyver borrowed a soccer ball, some olive oil and newspaper to construct a hot air Balloon and then commented to Francois about the Montgolfier brothers flying over Paris using this method. I'm pretty sure the only reason the Francois character is French was so this reference could be made. Fuck knows why. 

The whole purpose of the hot air balloon makes no fucking sense either. He used it to signal to Sarah that he was inside the prison, even though she knew this anyway. This whole hot air balloon sequence was just fucking pointless. The prisoners were however as impressed as shit.

MacGyver asks Francois if he wants to escape with him but Francois states that he only has 6 months left inside so it isn't worth it. He wasn't even guilty to begin with, but refused to bribe a judge on some bullshit charge and was put in prison.

Brian really needs to be spoken to but he's a political prisoner in a different wing and hard to get to. MacGyver is going to need extra help.

Fuad asks to speak with MacGyver who acts like a bit of a dick, so Fuad beats the shit out of him. MacGyver then breaks a chair over Fuad's head. The guards all find it hilarious as do the prisoners. They've lived for years under Khan's harsh regime and are just happy to see someone fight back for once. Fuad chokes MacGyver out and takes him back to Khan's room.

Khan has a pretty sweet set up for a prisoner, however the speakers on his stereo are fucked but MacGyver is able to fix them. MacGyver may have found himself a powerful ally.

Khan is also an entrepreneur, with a PCP lab in a secret room behind his cell. MacGyver offers to help Khan make better quality PCP if Khan grants him a meeting with Brian, which apparently Khan has the power to do, and hooks it up. MacGyver will certainly help himself to some PCP too.

MacGyver knows his conversation with Brian is being listened to so he makes up some bullshit about a hidden $12 million and that their escape will be facilitated by assault helicopters flying into the prison to rescue them. Brian plays along. 

The warden believes everything MacGyver says and asks Khan to find out as much as he can about the $12 million and the planned escape. Once he's done this, MacGyver can be killed.

Francois tells MacGyver that some men aren't designed to be caged. Luckily The Shawshank Redemption hadn't been made yet so he was able to do this free from the threat of lawsuits. MacGyver takes this onboard and decided to breakout. Wait he was breaking out anyway. Who knows what the fuck Francois was trying to get at.

MacGyver is granted a meeting with Sarah. The room he is taken to has a bed in it, so they'll be boning later. They kiss and MacGyver tells her the plan, they are breaking out tomorrow at noon. The scene fades to black.

The next morning Francois gives MacGyver a "where have you been" look indicating that he'd spent the night banging Sarah. I'm not sure what Sarah's story is but I have a feeling it's not the first time she's banged someone in prison. It almost seemed like second nature to her.

Either the sex with Sarah was really good or MacGyver has helped himself to some of Khan's PCP, because he's acting like a fucking madman. Perhaps it's part of the elaborate breakout plan.

Khan lets MacGyver into his PCP lab to repair the fridge. MacGyver told Khan it wasn't running efficiently and he could repair it, which Khan bought. While in the lab MacGyver records a fake helicopter sound on Khan's tape deck using the ceiling fan and a plastic spatula. It's sounds almost exactly like a spatula hitting a ceiling fan which should be convincing enough to trick the guards into thinking a ceiling fan being hit with a spatula is approaching the prison when the tape is played back over the prisons PA system.

MacGyver states that the one useful thing about PCP is that it explodes. If you coat a jacket in the liquid form you have a bomb you can wear. Suicide bombers take note. In addition to the exploding jacket, MacGyver makes a PCP bomb out of a bucket, wires from the fridge and a block of ice. When the ice melts, the wires will touch and the bomb will explode.

Khan confronts MacGyver about the escape. MacGyver tells Khan he's been contracted to break Brian out of prison in return for 10% of the $12 million. MacGyver promises to give Khan half of his fee if he helps him. Khan believes every word MacGyver says and they make their way out to the prison yard.

Francois starts the tape MacGyver recorded earlier. It sounds exactly like a fucking helicopter now and luckily it's too cloudy to see if anything is actually coming.

After starting the tape Francois gets the exploding jacket to Brian who uses it to blow himself out of his cell. If MacGyver didn't have Francois, he'd be fucked. This guy has done everything.

MacGyver pretends he's buried some important information in the yard. While digging, he waits for the perfect moment then throws dirt in Fuad's face and punches Khan out.

A few seconds later MacGyver's PCP bomb explodes. It's fucking pandemonium in that prison.

Up to this point, MacGyver has created several distractions, and broken Brian out of his cell with an explosive jacket but the more detailed elements of the plan, like how they were actually going to penetrate the prison walls had yet to be revealed. I was expecting a sophisticated MacGyver plan of mammoth proportions, instead I got Sarah driving an old taxi through a wire gate. 

Francois pointed out earlier that nobody had ever escaped before, I have no idea why the fuck not. This was less Christopher Lambert, Fortress, more, I need to jump over the neighbours fence to retrieve a tennis ball. Fucking weak as shit.

MacGyver and Francois share an emotional farewell. Never has au revoir had such power and passion behind it. The bond they formed over the past 2 days was a strong one, and they both learned as much about themselves as they did each other. I'm sure their paths will cross again. Qu'est-ce que je ferais sans toi?  

Khan was the one who came out of this whole ordeal the worst. He lost his PCP lab, all of his possessions, his room was blown sky fucking high and the warden has indicated that he'll spend the rest of his days in an isolation cell, a far cry from his role as chief badass. 

I have a feeling that something unexpected is going to happen, mainly due to the fact that the episode is only at the 37 minute mark and they all run close to 45.

About 8 seconds later they pull over to change cars and Brian announces "I think we can dispense of MacGyver now". Well fuck me. Brian has double crossed MacGyver. I don't think I'm out of line here calling Brian a bit of a cunt. MacGyver just broke him out of prison and now he plans of returning the favour by killing him. That really is a dick move.

It turns out the two aren't even brother and sister. Sarah is a representative of the Russian government whose mission it is to deliver weapons to their allies in the third world. This means that one, as a Russian she would have certainly banged MacGyver the other night, and two ,that she has also double crossed him. Brian's role in all of this is that he's a crooked arms dealer who stole Sarah's weapons. She wanted to break him out of Prison so he could return them to her.

Sarah decides not to kill MacGyver but leaves him behind to be captured by the police.

Sarah: Nothing personal

MacGyver: Everything is personal

Brian uses this opportunity to escape. He grabs Sarah's gun, takes a few shots at MacGyver and drives away. MacGyver walks up to Sarah and states "I'll tell you something Comrade, I've never hit a woman before but you come damn close". I was hoping he'd punch her in the face but this didn't eventuate. He must have used all of his inner strength to resist.

Sarah needs to get to the weapons before Brian sells them to terrorists. Even though she double crossed MacGyver 45 seconds ago he agrees to help her on the condition that the weapons are destroyed once found. She accepts. Isn't her mission to get the weapons to her allies? Why would she accept MacGyver's proposal to destroy them? Could MacGyver get double crossed again? Does anyone give a fuck at this point? The best outcome at the moment really is that Brian gets blown up by the weapons he's trying to steal and MacGyver gets to punch Sarah in the face after he's banged her again.

The two head down to the harbour where the weapons must be for reasons unexplained. They find Brian's car so know they are close. 

Inside Brian is trying to cut a deal with the well dressed African men wanting to purchase the weapons.

Sarah turns to MacGyver and gives him a passionate kiss, stating that life is uncertain. It certainly is with fucking her around. One minute you're asking someone to help break their brother out of prison, the next minute you're banging them, a few minutes later you have a gun pointed at their head, then a minute later you're kissing them. It's hard to know what the fuck is going to happen next. I'm predicting a strip tease then a stabbing. That seems to fit in well with her fucking MO.

MacGyver believes the weapons are left over from the Boer war putting them into a class of weapons known as fucking old. I have no idea why Brian is trying to sell the weapons for these guys to use, he'd get way more money for them on fucking Antiques Roadshow.

The grenades still use gunpowder, so MacGyver is able to lay a trail of powder, light it and run away. The lines of powder MacGyver is used to racking up are much whiter but he still does a pretty good job. One of the weapons buyers drops the suitcase of money which Sarah and MacGyver pick up and then get out of there. There is a huge explosion and the weapons are destroyed once and for all.

The two return to the orpanage and give the nun the suitcase full of money. She cannot believe it. MacGyver tells her that she'll finally have enough money to take care of all of the kids. The nun asks MacGyver how she can repay him and even though she is a woman of the cloth I'm pretty sure I know what MacGyver will be suggesting a little later on.

No mention was made of Brian meaning that he's dead.

MacGyver taught us that you wont get raped in prison if you know how to make PCP, that it's really easy to break out of prison, that Russian chicks are fucking insane but love to bang and that if you give nuns heaps of cash they'll pretty much do anything.

#119: Slow Death (2 April 1986)

MacGyver find himself in the subcontinent chasing down a train he missed in a taxi. The passengers onboard find this genuinely hilarious. "Look he's trying to catch the train in a taxi" one comments. "That's hilarious" another responds. After several stern "no's", MacGyver finally convinces the driver to slow down enough so he can jump on. MacGyver is a hero once on board, especially amongst his fellow Americans. They've never met anyone brazen enough to try and board a train after it has departed, but for MacGyver this is the kind of shit he pulls on a daily basis. There are definitely a few women on board the train that want to bang MacGyver and depending on how long the journey is, he may just get through all of them.

MacGyver spots a young Indian girl on the train and makes her a doll out of a piece of cloth and a rubber band. No explanation is given for this but I guess MacGyver saw she was Indian and assumed she was poor as shit and couldn't afford a doll. MacGyver is certainly very perceptive. That's one word for it, another would be racist.

After winning the hearts and minds of a train full of international travellers, MacGyver makes his way to the dining car and orders a roast lamb sandwich. This is one of the few times I've seen MacGyver eat in the series, meaning for now he's off the drugs.


A drunk one armed man asks MacGyver what he's drinking with his lamb sandwich to which MacGyver responds, "Milk". The one armed man, James, is pretty unimpressed with MacGyver's response, as he should be. Who the fuck has a glass of milk with lunch in hot as shit India? At least keep it local and have a Lassi if you need dairy. 


James comments that MacGyver is very perceptive, as he'd noticed James lost his arm only recently. He wasn't really that perceptive. James did knock over about 15 glasses and kept running into people. This could have been a symptom of his recent amputation but more likely his recent consumption of 25 standard drinks.


An African American woman by the name of Andrea approaches them and asks if James needs any help. James snaps back "I’m a cripple and you’re black, neither is condition for sympathy".


Is James comparing black people to cripples? Racism is rife in this episode. Sure, black people aren't the strongest swimmers but they more than make up for it with fast running and great rapping so I think James was more than a little out of line. One armed people can hardly do anything, except make negative comments about people based on their race by the looks of it.


A group of local bandits are rigging explosives on a nearby bridge. I have no idea what they're up to, but I'm guessing it will impact on the train's journey at some stage.

The recently acquainted MacGyver and Andrea take a seat in the dining car while MacGyver eats lunch.


Andrea: That was quite a way to board the train, why the rush?
MacGyver: No reason, I just wanted to get on the train so I could relax and enjoy the scenery.
Andrea: Just a tourist. Sure! What's the real reason?
MacGyver: I just hijacked proof of an illegal arms deal and need to get the information out of the country so that I can prevent a small war.
Andrea: Ok, I deserved that. I guess we're just a couple of tourists enjoying the pretty scenery.
MacGyver: From where I sit the scenery is very pretty.


MacGyver going for in for the kill yet again with his precision flirting. I'm glad that the producers are making the series more multicultural by introducing characters of different races. It shows that MacGyver doesn't discriminate and will finger blast Blacks, Whites, Asians, Arabs, the whole lot.


This is the first time in the series MacGyver has told someone what he does and they haven't believed him. The story did sound like bullshit but I'm guessing something will happen later in the episode that will make Andrea believe MacGyver.


Just as MacGyver's about to examine the contents of Andrea's "black box", James ruins everything by returning to apologise. Everyone is friends again.


One of the passengers jumps up and announces that he is taking over the train. The ticket collector gets in his way so the bandit shoots him.


Terrorists taking over a moving train? Sounds like the episode is moving into an Under Siege 2: Dark Territory type scenario. I'm hoping MacGyver takes on a Seagal type persona and uses those hands of his to not only finger birds but to snap wrists. And fix things that are usually hard to repair with items commonly found aboard a passenger train, obviously. 

The bandits are after two men, foreigners, one of which could be MacGyver for any variety of reasons. If they are after MacGyver is will either be drug related or because he banged someone's wife or daughter.


What do you do when you are confronted by an armed man but have no weapons in your possession? The best course of action is to splash water into their eyes, which is what MacGyver does. Andrea then throws her tea into the other bandits face and they run away. It should be pointed out that MacGyver used salt water, something to take onboard if you're planning to use this technique to foil a bank robbery one day.

MacGyver flees the dining car and makes his way to the roof of the train. He uses the local moonshine to coat the roof of the train and waits for the bandits in pursuit to catch up to him. Once on the roof, MacGyver sets the train on fire leading to them jumping off. I don't know if it's possible to survive jumping off the roof of a train moving at over 100 km/h, but this is MacGyver so I expect to see them in the next scene.

The train conductor informs MacGyver that once they cross the bridge they'll be out of bandit country. Unfortunately the bridge is rigged with TNT which the bandits detonate a mere few seconds before the train makes it across. The train is fine, as are the passengers, but they are now trapped in bandit country, where anything can happen.

MacGyver does a little work on the train ignition so if anyone tries to start it except for him they'll, in MacGyver's words, get their turban blown off.

The passengers are all terrified. It'll be up to MacGyver to calm them down and defeat the bandits, something he should be able to do with his quick thinking, life skills and bag full of drugs.


James is a doctor and although he won't be able to perform the surgery a bullet wound almost certainly requires with his one arm, he should be able to keep the ticket collector alive with his bedside manner and some warm water. Luckily the ticket collector is white so racism shouldn't get in the way.

Husan, the leader of the bandits rounds up all of the foreigners and explains why they've hijacked the train. Luckily for the passengers it wasn't for a Nazi style death camp but rather to find two individuals. 


The bandits had set up a clinic in their community to help care for sick children. They bought medicine from two foreigners for the clinic which turned out to be poison and 26 people died, including Hasan's son. Hasan wants revenge and with just cause.

Hasan has left it to the passengers to figure out who the men responsible are. In a surprise twist, the episode has moved from a fast paced, high octane, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory situation, into a much weaker game of Cluedo. Unless MacGyver turns out to be the guy responsible and has to kill everyone on the train to maintain his secret then I can't see this episode going places.

Just when the plot has stalled, things pick up in the acting department, with the introduction of a train employee. This guy is by far the worst actor in the series up to this point. He has this fucking ridiculous accent and I have no idea where the fuck he's meant to be from. Let's hope it gets more action in the third act.

All food and water has been confiscated in an effort to make them work fast in finding the killers. MacGyver believes they could be out there for a week before anyone starts worrying about them. He knows they need to find the killers as soon as possible. Personally MacGyver doesn't look worried and doesn't give a fuck about the lack of food, indicating that he has plenty of drugs on him. 

One of the other passengers, Laura, is really scared. Her boyfriend Andy wants to get married but she isn't so sure. They are in love but just haven't know each other long enough. Looks like there are going to be a shitload of filler scenes for the rest of the episode. MacGyver shows up and comforts Laura telling her it's going to be fine. Laura tells her boyfriend "he made me fell better" which means "I'll bang him later". If they really are out there for a week, for MacGyver it'll just be one big sex and drug orgy. 

Having sewed the seeds with Laura, MacGyver moves on to Andrea. MacGyver spouts some shit from the bible to which Andrea replies "in a weird way you're a comfort MacGyver". I'm predicting the series first inter-racial three way.

Elsewhere on the train James is flirting with one of the other female passengers, Diana, while looking after the ticket collector. He is feeling emotional due to the fact that he used to be such a great surgeon but now he's nothing. Diana tells him that he is something, he's still a doctor. Just because he's missing an arm it doesn't make him useless. He still has the knowledge, he'll just have to develop a stethoscope that is easy to use with one arm, like the drummer from Def Leppard did with his futuristic drum kit. He can still make a great contribution, he just needs to believe in himself. He is still coming to terms with the pain he gets from his phantom limb, but Diana tells him it will just take time. Having all of her limbs she clearly has no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but James takes comfort in this.

James lost him arm in an indecent that occurred at the hospital he worked at in London. He blames himself which makes it all the more difficult. An armed maniac high on drugs walked into the emergency room and pointed the gun at his patient. James put his arm up and said "just put the gun down", the guy didn't listen and blew his arm off instead. Every day since, only around 50 so not that many to be honest, he wishes he'd done something different. 

James: What do you want out of life?

Diana: To be purposeful, to be needed.

James: Oh, you are needed.

James and Diana share a kiss, the first for the series not involving MacGyver. The director could have explored the concept of phantom limb fingering, but for some reason chose not to. Perhaps this is the wrong forum. It is an issue that needs to be dealt with by someone at some stage. James and Diana would have boned which may have been a little awkward for the ticket collector but when you're shot on a train in the middle of nowhere you take whatever weird medical care you can, even if that involves being taken care of by a one armed man banging a chick in the bed next to you.

MacGyver makes a whistle out of a bottle cap that only horses can hear which will be needed in the next scene for some reason. He shows Andrea who is very impressed. 

The next morning Andy wakes up before everyone else and has that 'I'm going to do something incredibly fucking stupid look in his eye. He does something incredibly fucking stupid in trying to run away. The guards pull out their guns and just before shots are fired, MacGyver runs onto the scene, spin kicking one of the guards in the back of the head and blowing his recently produced horse whistle. This throws everyone off and luckily no one killed.

Andy was hiding under the train just before making a run for it and it appeared like one of the guards, who was shot from the waste down, had applied 'black hand'. Perhaps they didn't have enough extras and needed an Indian looking hand, but the application of shoe polish to a dudes hand just looked fucked, not as fucked as say C. Thomas Howell in the Soul Man, but still pretty fucked.

The guards were tipped off about the escape by Kramer, leading to the others believing he's the drug salesman. Kramer has something to hide, in his suitcase is a shitload of cash. Husan states that he paid in gold, so Kramer isn’t the guy, even though he looks sketchy as fuck. This begs the question why don't they just search the train looking for the gold?

MacGyver is getting pretty bored of the whole situation as Andrea doesn't appear to want his cock as much as he thought, so he decides it's time to get the fuck out of there. He makes a lie detector out of a stethoscope and an alarm clock, a foolproof method for finding the killer.


MacGyver tests the device on Andy and it appears to work perfectly. After the test has concluded Andy and Laura kiss, setting off the alarm once more. MacGyver comments "that was love, not lying", which Husan doesn't find fucking funny at all.

The next guy up, Webster, is wearing a pink shirt, and looks guilty as fuck. The alarm goes off when MacGyver asked him if he stole the drugs. He caves in and admits it was him and the train employee with the fucked accent all along. He grabs a gun and runs off.

MacGyver chases Webster to the engine car, where Webster smacks him in the face. Webster's plan is to drive the train out of there. MacGyver warns him that the ignition has been rigged to explode. Webster quips that perhaps MacGyver needs to have a go on his own lie detector and attempts to start the engine, electrocuting himself. Webster is dead but who gives a shit, he poisons kids.

Husan gets his gold back and everything returns to normal. Except for the people who died taking the drugs, they are still dead. And for Webster who is dead too. And for the train employee with the fucked accent, he'll be going to prison for a long time and hopefully never acting again. I think at the end of the day he was meant to be South African but it really is hard to say.


MacGyver makes the comment that while he'll be able to get them actual medicine this time, the medicine isn't a miracle cure, what they really need is a doctor, someone with the knowledge to take care of the sick, yet someone who has a serious disability and probably couldn't get a job in a regular hospital as who the fuck would want to work out there in the middle of nowhere with minimal pay if they didn't have to. James volunteers to stay and help Husan and his gang. He doesn't want to do it alone and Diana agrees to stay and help him out. Diana's mother, an upper class British woman, isn't angry by rather pleased that she's decided on something she wants to do with her life.


It looks like everything has worked out.

Right at the very end of the episode the small girl shows up from fucking nowhere and returns the doll MacGyver made back to him. That wasn't the best decision on her part as she needs it more than MacGyver and he'll probably just bin it on the way home anyway.

The episode taught us that trains in India are fucking dangerous, that losing an arm doesn't mean you can't bang chicks and a stethoscope attached to an arm clock can be used to accurately tell if someone is lying.