#205: Final Approach (27 October 1986)

MacGyver is flying a small plane. The electrics have failed and he’s heading directly into the ocean. How will he get out of this? It turns out to be clever editing. It was just a flight simulator all along! Despite this, MacGyver looks like he’s going to vomit on exit. Pete rigged the simulator so it would crash as a joke. That wacky Pete! He mentions that none of what happened in the simulator would ever happen in a real plane, so of course it will later in the episode.

The Phoenix Foundation have set up a program to take at risk gang affiliated kids into the wilderness in an attempt to get them out of the gang and into something less dangerous. I don’t know what exactly as it isn’t explained judging from where the kids were taken I’m guessing they are trying to get them into Park Ranging or Logging. The program isn’t going so well it seems. It’s being run by a social scientist with a doctorate but no street smarts. As MacGyver is street smart as fuck all this appears to be heading towards MacGyver taking over the program and having to get to the kids in a light aircraft exactly the same as the one he crashed in the simulator.

This is exactly what happens. MacGyver wanted in on the program from the start but wasn’t selected. Pete pulled a few strings and was able to get MacGyver in on it after all. I’m assuming the reason MacGyver wanted in is because of the access to drugs the gang kids would have and also because of the hot underage gang snatch.

There is no money in it for MacGyver but Pete does offer him a bonus of his choosing, which MacGyver selects to be a canoeing race through the rapids of Colorado.

The first kid we’re introduced to is Ramón, who is bad to the fucking bone. He just won't stop smoking, even when asked to by the camp leader. What a fucking badass. Luther, also a badass, gets involved and some shit is started right of the bat.

The camp leader breaks up the fight and gets to work serving lunch. It's some army ration type garbage that all the gang dudes hate. MacGyver shows up and instantly wins them over by baking a chocolate cake in a frying pan on some hot rocks rocks. I'm not sure how hot it is where they're camping but based on the success of MacGyver's I'm going to say "hot as fuck". The punk looking chick, Gina, is super impressed and MacGyver will most certainly be giving her a slice of something else later in the episode. Dick.

The old camp leader gets all pissed that the Phoenix foundation has sent help, running off stating "I didn’t need any help".

Day turns to night and Gina turns to MacGyver for comfort.

Gina: You make a nice fire MacGyver.

MacGyver: Thanks

Gina: What’s on your mind?

Mac: Wood.

By that I assume MacGyver has a boner and was searching for a blowjob. Nothing just yet, but it's only a matter of time. 

It turns out Gina was born into the gang just like her sister who is now in prison. This works in MacGyver's favour as she is clearly vulnerable enough to take advantage of.

At this point the episode takes an unexpected twist. I thought it was going to turn into a wacky camping adventure where things started out tough but in the end everyone bonded and became buddies, but instead we cut to a shot of a plane flying out of the woods with a MacGyver voiceover “it was a long two days, it felt like two weeks”.

Ramón is acting all crazy in the back. He keeps jumping around and acting like a general dickhead causing the pilot to shout “sit back in your seat punk”. This isn't enough to deter Ramón who keeps moving around causing the pilot to have a heart attack. MacGyver finds himself in exactly the same position as he was at the start of the episode in the simulator! How unexpected. Luckily the simulator taught him a thing or two and he was able to bring the plane down safely. Everyone survived. Except the pilot. He's dead.

The plane is completely fucked and it looks like Ramón is going to get a severe beating from the others. 

Just when you think they'll have to sleep outside in the cold, MacGyver turns a parasuite into a tent, in one of the weakest MacGyverisms the series has seen thus far. The gang members all seemed impressed, however the acting wasn't strong enough to make me believe it.

MacGyver takes Luther on an adventure to catch some fish, asking him if he's ever had fresh mountain trout with wild mushrooms and pine nuts. Judging from the reaction, Luther hasn't and doesn't seem that stoked, possibly because he knows the type of mushrooms MacGyver is talking about.

After dinner Gina heads over to MacGyver and attempts to give him a handjob. MacGyver acts coy and turns her down. This I feel is an act as the other gang members were watching and MacGyver doesn't want any witnesses as he's clearly going to bang her and she's clearly underage. Once the mushrooms kick in and all the gang members are fucked out of their minds Gina is going to be getting exactly what she wants, providing that is some deep dicking.

Gina does reveal to MacGyver that she's sick and tired of being used, implying she's banged every dude there, something that MacGyver would totally be into. Gina also reveals that the reason there is so much tension in the group is because Ramón killed Luthers brother. That explains a lot. No wonder Luther wants to beat the living piss out of him.

In other news, all of them are fucking dead shits. 

The next morning, apart from the obvious that Gina had been fucked by MacGyver, the gang awake to the sounds of a rattlesnake in their makeshift tent. MacGyver is able to lure it out of the tent with a piece of hot coal, as the snake was cold and just needed some heat. Once out of sight MacGyver would have killed the snake as he's a ruthless motherfucker. 

Tommy is tired of being treated like a dickhead so he does a runner from the group. Unfortunately its dangerous out there and he is a dickhead so he’s probably going to die. MacGyver finds Tommy in about 10 minutes indicating he only left camp 5 minutes before day break. Sorry dude, but if you're going to flee camp do it in the middle of the night so you don't get found and look like a dick. He end up falling off a cliff and is confronted by stock footage of a mountain lion. Macgyver sprays the mountain lion with water and it runs off. They then use the sound effect from Thundercats to show how angry the mountain lion was. Weak as fucking piss.

MacGyver gets back to camp to find Luther and Ramón gone. Luther is most certainly going to kill Ramón. The heat is on MacGyver to find them before its too late. Predictably MacGyver gets there just in time and talks Luther out of it. Ramón indicates that he didn't kill Luthers brother to which Luther replies "you don't want to be jiving me sucker" showing that Mr. T is clearly a role model.

Ramón is struggling, it appears he suffered some internal injuries in the plane crash but hid them from the rest of the group until now. He's really in a bad way so MacGyver gets him back to camp, gets him into bed and starts undressing him for reasons that I'm not 100% convinced relate to his injury. The combined effects of the magic mushrooms MacGyver slipped into his dinner the night before and the shock he's in due to the injuries means MacGyver could pretty much do anything he wanted at this juncture. The scene cuts away to Gina and Tommy announcing they are now friends again, so I guess we'll never know what happened in that tent.

MacGyver believed Ramón has a punctures spleen. He needs to get the plane working again and get him to a hospital, however it's completely fucked. The tire is damaged beyond repair. They all need to work together, but Luther is too much of a badass to help out. Fair enough too, Ramón allegedly killed his brother.

MacGyver makes a theodolite out of some sticks and an earring and gets to work marking out a runway as flat as possible. During the whole runway digging process MacGyver tells Luther some shitty story about how he beat the shit out of some dude he believed took his pocket knife when he in fact didn't. I think it was meant to relate to the current situation somehow. Still Luther looks pissed at Ramón.

It turns out Luthers brother was killed by a junkie, Ramón just lied about it to get some street cred and become the head of his gang. Luther the fucking drama queen doesn't buy it and storms off like a pussy.

Back at Phoenix foundation headquarters, Pete orders a helicopter to be sent out to find them as their estimated arrival time has come and gone. Let's hope that helicopter can find them in time.

Tommy digs a ditch and Gina fills it with mud, this is how they are going to get out there, slide the plane along the mud and then fly home. It's a flawed plan to say the least but it's all they have. It also becomes apparent MacGyver and Tommy are going to double team Gina later.

Luther decides to lend a hand after all. Maybe they can all be friends.

The 300 foot long mud pit is complete. MacGyver replaces the tire with a log. They slide the plane to the speeds required to take off, which apparently is 8 miles an hour, and fly to safety. Luther is the most excited and his overacting is appreciated to add some life to what was a kind of shitty scene.

They get Ramón to a hospital and he doesn't die. The helicopter finds the others and gets them to safety. Everyone reunites at the airfield where MacGyver states "I guess you could say they found something worth going for" resulting in laughter from everyone despite the fact it makes zero sense

and is lame as shit.

The episode was one of the longer ones despite the fact that fuck all happened and it was boring as shit.

MacGyver taught us that you can cook a chocolate cake in a frying pan on some hot rocks, that the take off speed of a light aircraft is 8 mph and gang chicks are slutty as fuck.