I digress.
A note in the book details this chilling ultimatum "If you want to see your fridge alive, meet me at hanger 13. Come alone or the fridge fries".
MacGyver believes that his household items have not actually been stolen but rather this is a prank played by old friend Jack Dalton, who clearly has way too much fucking time in his hands.
Jack Dalton, MacGyver and Mike. The original three musketeers. They were the best of friends. Inseparable. They travelled Europe together. They had some of the best times of their lives together. They possibly trafficked drugs together. They certainly had numerous drug fuelled three ways.
MacGyver hadn't seen Jack for 5 years. He described Jack as a man who knew how to have fun, a rogue adventurer, a lier, thief. It's no wonder they are friends.
At the Hanger, MacGyver finds his Hockey stuff outside. He pushes the Hangar door open with a stick, staying dry as the bucket-full-of-water-above-the-door trick misses its mark. Inside the Hangar MacGyver finds all of his stuff and Jack Dalton.
Jack needs a favour from MacGyver. It turns out Jack hired a botanist to help him with a project, probably growing poppies to be refined into smack, who is being held captive by some dudes in Central America. He wants MacGyver to help him get this botanist back. Jack also has his own company, Jack Dalton Fly By Night Air Service. Sounds sketchy as fuck, just as MacGyver likes it. After some feined indifference towards helping Jack, MacGyver agrees, knowing that there is a strong chance he'll be able to score some drugs out of the deal.
MacGyver calls Pete just to check out Jack's kidnapped botanist story which appears to be legit. MacGyver and Jack are heading to Central America to import some drugs into the USA and maybe try and save a botanist, time permitting. MacGyver says to to Pete "you're on a diet" for no apparent reason while Pete is eating hamburgers. Hilarity. Pete really is fat as all fuck, so being on a diet is a good idea. MacGyver just needs to be in the office more to enforce it.
The two board Jack's aircraft and make their way to Central America. While in flight, MacGyver finds some old pictures of him, Jack and Mike hanging out in Europe. It turns out Mike is a girl. I was hoping it was Mike from Mike and The Mechanics so disappointment was my initial reaction. There is no doubt Jack and MacGyver double teamed her multiple times and any doubt that ne may have had is removed with Jack stating "it would be great to get together again, just the three of us". I'm sure it would.
Jack informs MacGyver he hasn’t seen Mike for a while, but his eye starts twitching, indicating he's lying. We know this as one scene ago MacGyver cryptically stated "your eye still twitches when you lie".
Upon arriving in Central America Jack and MacGyver are confronted by the local police who immediately start shooting at them. It turns out the cops are corrupt as shit and are the people who have the botanist. It seems Jack failed to fill MacGyver in on many of the details. The important one.
Jack is a master of accents, pulling a new one out every 30 seconds and it's bound to become irritating as shit by the episodes end.
With the cops gaining on them, MacGyver realises he's going to need to do something to get them off their tail. He flings an air canister out of the plane and it lands directly in front of a jeep, causing it to flip through the air.
With the cops off their back, Jack is able to take off again. It appears Jack owes money to Sonny, an American badass with a penchant for white suits, which on MacGyver means he's involved in drugs. They escape but they need to get back and rescue the botanist.
Jack lands the plane down near his hideout or summer house, the place he's be hanging out in recent weeks. The cops shot the fuel tank which is now leaking. MacGyver is able to stop the leak with a twig.
Jack's hideout is filled with orchids. We find out that Sonny paid Jack to courier the orchids back to the US. Doing a little digging Jack discovered the orchid pots were filled with heroin. This piques MacGyver's interest in the whole situation. Jack informs MacGyver that he didn't want to take the drugs back to the US as it's wrong to import heroin. I actually think Jack wanted to keep the drugs, things went awry, so he called in MacGyver who he knew would help him out. In the plot twist of all plot twists it turns out the botanist is Mike! The chick they use to bang. Holy shit!
Jack comments "Drugs, kidnapping, corrupt cops, sounds like a bad TV show". Touché.
We find Mike chained up in an old Monastery. Sonny is trying to find out from Mike where Jack is and most importantly where the orchids are. Mike doesn't know and the cop comments that perhaps she has outlived her usefulness. Things take a turn for the creepy when Sonny comments "I'm sure she's good for something" and the cop walks over and reaches for her cans. Just as it looks like things are going to get all rapey, Mike spits on the cop and he slaps the shit out of her. "My mother taught me never to strike a lady. I never listen to my mother". What a fucking badass.
Jack has a plan, to find out where Mike is being held and then rescue her. No shit. The plan doesn't really go into the details of how he's actually doing to do this. Jack asks the owner of a local tavern if she knows Mike's location. She doesn't know, then the cops find them and Jack get captured. Fucking garbage execution on the plan.
MacGyver is able to escape by smashing a light globe, causing the other light globes to short out scaring the cops in the process. Oh no the lights are going crazy!
So Jack's plan was bullshit. MacGyver catches up with the same bar chick the next day who informs him that Jack and Mike are probably being held at the old Monastery. It turns out the cops have kicked out the Monks and are using the Monastery to hold prisoners. It also turns out the cops let the Monks back in to hold funerals when a fellow Monk died.
Sonny informs Jack that he has one day to tell him where the heroin is or he's dead. Jack's plan all along was to get captured and then have MacGyver rescue them both. Radical plan because MacGyver is a fucking animal who will break them out.
It looks like MacGyver is going to pull out the old pretending to be dead and hiding in a coffin trick that he loves so much. Perhaps there will be a jetski in the coffin. The cops are wise to this coffin ruse and blast the shit out of it with machine guns. Luckily MacGyver anticipated this would happen and hid under the cart carrying the coffin.
"Now you may bury your dead" laughs the cop.
MacGyver simply runs inside the Monastery while the cops are shooting the coffin which is to want for a better term, weak as fucking shit. Once inside the hard part begins. MacGyver is close to being detected by one of the cops so hides behind some coats. Then he whistles to another cop who comes running and MacGyver simply punches him in the face.
"I never paid much attention to what I wore but I could get used to this attire. Multipurpose clerical wear for every occasion" - MacGyver
After about 30 seconds MacGyver finds them. Mike is extremely excited to see MacGyver either because she is happy to be saved or because she knows she'll be d getting some serious deep dicking later. Probably a little from column A and a little from column B.
They escape and find an old truck only to discover there are no keys. MacGyver hot wires the truck and hot wires Mike's heart. They get away after being shot at by the cops who are, by this stage, obviously inept. The truck breaks down just a short distance, and when I say short distance it is literally 10 feet, from the hideout. Convenient. By now their plane is surrounded by cops. How are they going to get out of this one?
Luckily MacGyver has a plan. He charges a dead battery with some wine. This will be used for some shitty trap later in the episode.
MacGyver wants to bang Mike really badly. Unfortunately the gravity of the situation doesn't allow this so instead he gives her a flower and a kiss on the cheek.
Jack walks over to the plane and get tells Sonny and the cop where the drugs are. They walk over towards MacGyver and Mike. MacGyver steps on a plank he rigged up earlier, getting the wine battery to start the engine of another shit plane, turning the propeller leading to Sonny getting captured in a bag. I don't know exactly how either.
The cop still has a gun on them, so the plan was pretty shit. Jack convinces the cop to keep them alive. In exchange for their life, jack will fly them both back to the US, sell the heroin and give the proceeds to the cop.
MacGyver and Mike are tied together, but with nobody watching them are able escape rather easily. MacGyver runs off to try and stop Jack flying away. The plane doesn't have enough fuel and will crash after only a few miles. Jack reveals to MacGyver earlier in the episode that he was dying. Has he sacrificed his own life for Mike and MacGyver? Unlikely, he's totally full of shit. I'm sure the plane is fine.
MacGyver and Mike are safe, but still stranded in Central America.
The next scene we see them both back at MacGyver's place rearranging the furniture. There is absolutely no fucking explanation at all about how they made it back to America. Pete had no fucking idea where they were but I guess he just happened to stumble on them and fly them home. MacGyver and Mike obviously want to bang but fucking Pete is there acting like a dick. He's probably looking to replace Pete in their three ways. I don't really think MacGyver or Mike want to see Pete's balls though.
It turns out the Columbian coastguard picked up the cop with the dope, however there no sign of Jack. The cop reported that he jumped out of the plane when he saw both engines smoking. MacGyver then does a shit attempt at impersonating Jack doing a shit Irish accent. This indicates that he believes Jack faked the engine smoke as he had done earlier in the episode and is in fact alive.
Pete will be back. No doubt about it.
Every is happy that Pete is possibly alive.
MacGyver also clearly got away with a shitload of the drugs.
One thing to note about the episode is that every scene was super dark, it appeared they had no budget for lighting. I guess they spent all the money on drugs.
MacGyver taught us that every police officer in Central America is corrupt as shit, that having loose as fuck friends is the way to go and that having a slutty hot female friend is recommended when travelling Europe.
1 comment:
Omg I laughed too much reading this. Especially at the end where the author clearly mixed up Pete for Jack.
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