#209: Silent World (24 November 1986)

Paris, France. A clandestine meeting is taking place between some of the most dangerous men in the world. This is speculative just how dangerous the men are, but the fact the meeting is taking place in a dark room, probably underground and the discussion revolves around stealing a missile indicates that they are indeed dangerous. The man they are meeting with is David Crane. They wish to hire him to steal a missile. He’s the best around and they need him, as they do not want certain activities traced to their organisation. One of the men believes he is is too caviler and strange, very strange.  He doesn’t play by anyone’s rules. He’s a maverick, but one on their side. If you're going to hire a joker, make sure he's in your deck. In all of his years as an international thief, he’s never been caught, convicted or even suspected. The men want Crane to steal the Moorelock missile. It's currently in pieces scattered all over the county. He just needs to retrieve these pieces and put it together. 

Crane blows up a chair for no reason, just to be a badass. Just to show these guys he’s unfuckwithable. He does a lot of speaking in French, showing he has completed high school.

We find MacGyver at the Phoenix Foundation Test Site, a fake town where missiles are exploded. The General isn’t the biggest fan of MacGyver. Just to break with traditional of how military types are portrayed in television and movies, he doesn’t like civilians at all. 

This missile can be guided by voice and MacGyver has to test it out. Can he get the missile through the town without destroying anything? It would appear so. Even the General is impressed. He may end up liking MacGyver after all.

The next scene sees MacGyver doing some volunteer work down at a local deaf school. His sign language is shitty as fuck and the kids laugh at him. He then signs something along the lines of “go fuck yourselves, you deaf fucks” and then signs something for the teacher, something along the lines of "I want to dick you". After that he probably cranked some tunes on a ghetto blaster and danced around, just to rub it in that the kids can’t hear. What a cunt. But justifiable, the kids did give him shit.

Things start getting weird really quickly. The teacher has a premonition of MacGyver getting hit by a car. It looks like the episode is heading in some sort of Charmed direction. At this stage I’m predicting the episode is going to be a shit one as MacGyver works best when there isn’t any weak supernatural bullshit.

Pete and MacGyver test out some new devise that allows deaf kids to hear. Pete comments “I cant imagine what it would be like, hearing for the first time”. Unfortunately none of the kids could hear what he was saying so the sentiment was lost on everyone, except MacGyver who wouldn’t give a shit anyway. He's too busy trying to bang the teacher. This volunteering thing is probably part of some compulsory community service MacGyver had to do to avoid a prison sentence for either drug trafficking or statutory rape. Or both.

The teacher has another premonition taking the episode from potentially shit into most certainly absolute dog shit. This time it gets into fucking stupid territory and features a horse and a hovercraft. What the fuck?

Meanwhile Crane is working on getting the pieces of the missile together. He dresses as a cop, stops a military vehicle in the middle of nowhere and his team steals some shit from the back. Getting the pieces of the weapon is going to be easy as piss with such weak security measures in place.

We cut back to MacGyver’s place, where he and the teacher are having a rather frank discussion.

MacGyver: What’s bothering you?

Carrie: I had a dream about you.

MacGyver: Oh yeah?

Carrie: Not like that, you were killed and I was watching. You were almost hit by a lightning bolt, then we were being chased by a Moorish warrior past a steel skeleton, you were hit by this old car that came at us out of a lake, then you were killed.

MacGyver decided this wasn’t the time to go into details about the dream he had about Carrie, as this would have certainly creeped her out. How do you broach the subject of a dream involving a wine bottle inserted into an asshole? MacGyver clearly wants to bang her. This would have been the perfect time to do it. Instead MacGyver is interested in hearing about the dream. He’s hoping this dream was filthy as shit and wants to get her involved in some sleep research the Phoenix Foundation is conducting.

Crane has made quick time and already arrived at the next destination, a museum with a replica of the missile that contains the real propulsions system in a move that on the militaries part was erroneous to say the least. Crane gets the propulsion system and gets the fuck out of there commenting to his crew “6 months of planning and in 25 hours we’ll be done”.

Pete and MacGyver finish up lunch at a restaurant.

MacGyver: How do you like Indian food Pete?

Pete: To be honest I don’t know, my taste buds burned out after the second bite!

He’ll be shitting all over the place within the hour. I hope the restaurant is located in close vicinity to the Phoenix Foundation.

MacGyver pushes Pete out of the way, saving them both from being hit and possibly killed by a van with a lightning bolt on the side. The lightning is from the first part of Carries dream. This convinces Pete to let Carrie get in on the dream research, as her dream was really intense and clearly holds the answer to something. Bullshit I believe it’s called.

They race back to the Phoenix Foundation to do the tests. Getting to the bottom of what this dream means is of upmost importance. It could hold the secret to the cure for AIDs or who will win the Super bowl. It could also just prove that Carrie is as cracked out as MacGyver.

The dream sequence is replayed, this time in extended remix form. The researcher comments, “the signals are not of a normal dream, the waves are too intense”. A intense dream! Holy shit!

Crane and crew arrive to collect the last piece of the missile from the Phoenix Foundation test site. MacGyver, Carrie and Pete are there still talking about that fucking dream. Just as the crew collect the last piece, Carrie points out Crane as the man from her dream. What in the name of fuck? How did that happen? Crane does a runner and one of the crew opens fire on MacGyver and co.

Crane escapes but not before MacGyver takes out one of the dudes. They’ll be able to get answers from this guy so all should be fine. No it won’t be! Crane kills his own man so he can’t reveal the plan. What a fucking badass. It kind of doesn’t matter as MacGyver figures out the plot of stealing the missile piece by piece.

In a miracle of modern science, Carrie reveals just who is responsible for stealing the missile through her dream. MacGyver proceeds to draw the lake from her dream on a Commodore 64 for no fucking reason. MacGyver then uses software that certainly didn’t exist at the time and probably still doesn’t to match the lake from her dream with a real one.

They take a trip out to this lake and it turns out to be the exact lake from her dream. What a load of fucking horseshit. MacGyver considers all this to be completely normal no doubt because of the large quantity of LSD in his system. The Phoenix Foundation do research on a lot of things, not just dreams. MacGyver figures that they’ll be able to use her dream to solve the case. There is no way he isn’t on drugs at this point. The metal skeleton from the dream shows up in the form of old buried car parts, and then a dude on a white horse shows up. What the shit? Then a fucking dude pops out of the bushes and starts shooting at them just like in the dream. Fuck me. The only thing left is the fucking hovercraft.

I only had to wait 30 seconds for Crane to show up in, you guessed it, a hovercraft. MacGyver gets hit by crane and left for dead. Carrie is taken, ending one of the most bullshit scenes in the series to date.

MacGyver is as predicted not dead and is on a mission to save the girl. Saving her life should get him some pussy, his main concern at this stage.

Back at Phoenix Foundation headquarters, Pete discovers that Crane has every piece of the missile. Shit is getting real.

The dude on the horse gets through to Pete and lets him know where MacGyver is. They’re sending out a rescue team but will there be enough time? Now that Crane has the entire missile he’ll be offloading it to the buyers and disappearing.  

In what seemed like 3 minutes, MacGyver tracks down the hovercraft and Crane’s headquarters. One of the crew heads outside to see if anyone is around. MacGyver punches him in the face from under the water in a fucking radical move that I don’t think is actually possible but badass nonetheless.

Crane asked how they found him. Carrie explains the dream and Crane understandably thinks she’s nuts.

MacGyver makes a water clock out of a plastic bag filled with water and a hole in it. Once the water drains out of the bag it will turn the ignition, starting the hovercraft and creating one of MacGyver’s tried and true distractions. It totally works. The hovercraft starts up, one of the dudes walks outside to see what’s up and MacGyver pulls a rope flipping him into the water.

MacGyver runs inside and takes Crane out with a pot before commenting, “don’t worry about him, he’s just dreaming”. Fucking awesome. Mostly because it ties in with the theme of the episode. Dreams. You know how the episode has had lots of dreams in it? And MacGyver said "he's just dreaming". Get it? Dreams.

Pete comes and collects them in a helicopter.

The next scene utilises soft focus, sexy saxophone and candles. MacGyver is going to bang Carrie like there is no tomorrow. Just when things are about to get somewhat inappropriate the scene ends. It turns out it was just Carrie daydreaming about MacGyver banging her. I’m sure the Phoenix Foundation have the technology to turn this dream into a VHS which MacGyver will watch and then sell. Or use to blackmail Carrie into actually banging him. It’s hard to say which.

Just to tie up loose ends, Pete reveals Crane and Crew have all been captured.

We cut back to the deaf school where Pete announces the Phoenix Foundation are going to provide $50,000 for deaf research. The girl who had never spoken before speaks, ending the episode on an emotional note. There were tears but not from MacGyver as he was too fucked up on drugs.

MacGyver taught us that the military keep components to highly dangerous and top secret weapons is museums with low levels of security, that it’s possible to teach deaf people to hear, that once you save a chicks life she has to bone you and that it’s possible to solve complex crimes through experimental dream analysis.